Sunday, December 15, 2013

My Dad

If you have read my blog this year, you know that my dad passed away in July.  Today would be his 63rd birthday.....

My dad was born December 16, 1950 to Francis Jessie and Beverly Scoville in NY.  He was the first of their 4 children, Frank Jr was next, then Melody and Kelly.  My grandmother had two daughters from previous relationships (well 3, but one was given up for adoption) Kathy and Toni (who we called Biddy, at the time).
My grandfather left the family and my grandmother took the kids and moved back to Connecticut...where my dad met my mom in high school. They got pregnant and married....I came along...
And eventually my brother, Michael.  From 1969-1970, my father served a tour in Vietnam....my mom said he came back a changed man.
 We spent about two years living in Germany, while my father finished up his Army service.

My parents marriage lasted until I was 10.  My father had a lot of demons.  He grew up with an abusive father, Vietnam really messed him up...and he gave in to the alcohol and drugs.  Although he was not always the most reliable father, he did try...he was there for all the big events in our lives.

He did have another son, Jason, but unfortunately he did not spend much time with Jason, so they did not really have a relationship. 

Eventually he moved to New Jersey....and then he went on the road with a carnival.  He really enjoyed the road and traveling.  I spent a summer out with him traveling and working, as did my brother.  I think this was good for us, as we were both in our late teens and it let us develop a more mature relationship with him.

He got remarried again to Joanne, whom he met on the carnival.  They lived for awhile in Ohio, then he left.  That was him.  Sometimes he would just up and disappear.
I was his "best man"
Eventually he ended up in Texas, living with his mom and sisters and their kids.  And that is where he remained.  He had a couple of good jobs, but then he lost the one he held for about 10 years...then I think when his mom died in March 2013, he just kinda gave up.  We had not spoken in about a year.  He had come to visit us in Connecticut about 3 years ago, after he got better from being in the ICU..and then he left and we didn't hear from him.  Eventually I got a birthday card....and then nothing for a very long while.  Then we spoke on Facebook a couple of times...and then he disappeared again.....And we got the call to go to Texas this July....

My dad was many things and fought many demons in his life....but he also shaped who I am today...and I'm a pretty good person....he also took me to my first sci-fi convention, Star Trek, of course...and instilled in me a love for movies, music, books and sci-fi...He told funny stories and he liked to dance.  He also instilled in my brother a lifelong fear of the ocean and sharks...he took him to see Jaws when he was about 5.  And the funniest story he told was about my brother, and a tent...People who knew him thought he was a fun guy...and he was....he is missed.

Some pictures of him...
This is at my aunt's house in Brooklyn.

On the carnival, at night, winding down, I love this picture of him dancing with Erica.
With my stepsister Lynn
Dancing at my wedding
Dancing with his son, Jason, at my wedding
Hanging out in the front yard
Meeting his first grandchild, Kyle
His last visit to Connecticut with grandchildren, Kyle and Allison
Last time all of his siblings were together.
Last picture we took together...
video
And my last birthday card from him.

2 comments:

Babajeza said...

It's nice to read about your father. May he rest in peace he did not find on earth.

Mrs. P. said...

Is that really my Jay? Oh, thank you for sharing that!
It sounds like our fathers were similar in many ways. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've found over the years that it's more difficult to navigate life after loss when the relationship was complicated in life. When grief, positive memories, and negative emotions all combine, too often a confusing turmoil remains. If you ever need an ear, you've got our number.
Lots of love from all us.